Problems with self and esteem

I’m always on the lookout for a good solid joke car: A make and model of automobile that can serve as its own punchline. This is more complicated than it seems. There are criteria.
 
First, it can’t be too common. A Kia Soul is an excellent joke car, but they’re everywhere. Their ubiquity takes away from the humor. But you also can’t go so obscure that nobody knows what you’re talking about. I’m sure foreign market only cars have some hilarious names, but nobody will laugh if they have to pause and think “what is that?”
 
Further, the car itself has to be a piece of shit. The Ferrari LaFerrari is a really stupid name, but it’s too fancy a car to net a laugh.
 
Now, back in the day, my go to was a Ford Fiesta. It hit all the right notes: Common but not everywhere, generally a piece of shit, and a hilarious name.
 
Fiesta!
 
You step into my Ford and every day is a fiesta!
 
No, it’s really not. The AC smells like dead rats and the reverse doesn’t work so you can only park on hills.
 
Perfect.
 
But then fucking Ford had to go and bring the Fiesta back, sell a ton of them, and to add insult to injury — apparently make them pretty good cars! You assholes.
 
And then, oh god, it finally happened. I found the perfect new joke car: The Suzuki Esteem. It was like angels parted the clouds just to shine the light of comedy on that horrible rattling deathtrap. I was so happy.
 
Last night, I started watching Better Call Saul. He drives a Suzuki Esteem. They beat me to it.
 
God damn everything.

5 thoughts on “Problems with self and esteem

  1. Wayne

    Ya gotta go with the AMC Pacer, followed closely by the AMC Gremlin. Are you noticing a pattern here?
    I was the proud owner of both of these fine examples of American engineering excellence. Actually, the Gremiln was a great car. When you are driving it, you get the impression that it’s a Hornet….until you park it and catch a glimpse at that rear end…or absence of same.
    There isn’t a hammer large enough to knock the ugly off of a Pacer.

    Reply
    1. Robert Brockway Post author

      Okay, that’s unequivocally amazing. The submodels are Brawny and Friendee, Kia submarketed it as the “Kia Wide Bongo.” It’s perfect… but regional. It won’t work for me, but you damn well better use it.

      Reply

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